The Art of Pastoral Patience
Meeting people where they are, as they are, with what they need
Church work is people work, which means that church work is messy work, and glorious work, and inefficient work, and eternally significant work. Because, well, people are messy, and glorious, and inefficient, and eternally significant. I wrote about that a little here.
What makes it even more complex is that no one escapes this human condition, which means that everyone in the church is riddled with it, both those seeking help and those offering it. I love the way that Eugene Peterson captured this.
“Every congregation is a congregation of sinners. As if that weren’t bad enough, they all have sinners for pastors.”
So how do we help? How do we create communities of loving discipleship and spiritual formation in which we can move people towards greater Christlikeness in their character, and thought, and ethic? I wrestle with this all the time. The temptation is to dehumanize people into production lines of measurable success which we have to reduce to the most efficient (and self-serving) of measurables … attendance and giving. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that consistent presence in the activities and amongst the people of God’s church is essential to spiritual growth (Heb 10:25) and Jesus warned so strongly about the heart forming idol of money (Luke 12:34) that I know people giving it away is usually a good sign!
But, I believe that if we take the inefficiencies of humanity out of the system, then all we are left with is a system, and a system that may be measurable and neatly predictable, but one that isn’t made up of people going about the messy work of trying to be more like Jesus.
“People are the play!”
I found myself writing this incredibly trite and undeniably American sport imagery dependent phrase on a white board in front of a few young pastors trying to navigate the pandemic response in the life of the church in 2020. They wrote it down like it was new information. I wrote it down too because I had forgotten it. I had forgotten that I wasn’t just called to be a talking head who spouted information once a week in the hopes that more people would show up to listen (although … again … preaching to the gathered church is essential!) I was called to shepherd God’s people (Acts 20:28; 1 Pet 5:2) which means that I needed to be among them, experiencing them as they really are and allowing them the same privilege with me. This means opening yourself to hurt and disappointment, and this means opening up others to the same things at your hands. So how do we do that effectively knowing how messy people are, and knowing how unique their stories are?
Well, Paul gives us such a great lens to see shepherding and discipling work through. He does it in what seems like an almost “throw away” instruction in the midst of a list of final instructions at the end of a weighty letter to the Thessalonians. He says,
“ … admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.” - 1 Thessalonians 5:14 (ESV)
According to Paul (and he would know) there are at least three categories of people in congregations. Some are idle, living in rebellion to the upward call of God, really not pushing towards the goal of living more and more like Christ. Some are fainthearted, discouraged and beat up by the world and trying their best to hold on. Some are weak, unable in their current season to do any of the heavy lifting we so often place on people in the life of faith.
All of them require patience.
So now, when I am entering into a pastoring or discipling space, I try remember to take the time to ask the Spirit to help me to understand where someone is actually at, so that I can meet them in the right place with the right tools to help their life of faith. There is tremendous danger of hurt and discouragement for all involved when we fail to do this.
To the idle
To those who are resistant and lazy in obedience, I need to be prepared to offer bold and grace-filled admonition. If if fail to meet them where they really are, and as they really are, then I could be tempted to offer encouragement, or help, both of which would only serve to make their actual condition worse. God give me courage in these moments.
To the fainthearted
To those who have taken a beating by the world, and the evil one, and maybe even their own flesh, and who are trying to fight but are running out of courage, I need to someone who puts courage back into them. I need to point them to resurrection hope and the sustaining grace of our Savior who won’t let them go, even if their grip is weak. I need to strengthen their hand in God, as Jonathan did for David when his grip was fading through discouragement (1 Sam 23:16). If I fail to meet them where they really are, and as they really are, then I could wrongly offer admonition to someone to cannot bear another beating, or I could simply offer help to someone who doesn’t need a skill, but who just needs faithful presence of someone who still has courage.
To the weak
To those who are new to the faith, or those in the depth of deep suffering, who aren’t actually able to get the feet of faith beneath them, I need to be someone who helps, who doesn’t just point them where to go, but who takes steps with them and who lift some of the heavy burdens off of their shoulders through practical assistance and incarnational love. If I fail to meet them where they really are, and as they really are, then I could wound them further with harsh words of admonition or empty words of encouragement.
Now, of course, people are complex (as previously discussed) and so they are likely to be mixtures and intersections of more than one of these things, and to make it worse, we will bring one or more of these things into the situation with us in our own frailty.
Which is why the final instruction is so important.
“Be patient with them all.”
Different people might need different approaches at different seasons in their lives. One thing they all need is patience.
Patience is grace applied over time. We all need that.
